Don't Be Flashin' Steel When U Roll Thru Compton
by Raik
Summary: A humorous,light story following Harry to a place far, far away from Hogwarts.Everybody else is there too, because Hogwarts is now a glue factory. THIS FIC HAS PICS through URLs. This doesn't take DH into account.R&R! AKA Ghettolized version
1. Chap 0: Why not start with One?

Don't Be Flash'n Steel When You Roll Through Compton

Written and Illustrated By : Jake Steel

(Soon to be: the movie)

Disclaimer:NOT for real...or is it? I don't own Harry Potter or nuthin like dat. No flames please, this is for fun.

REAL DISCLAIMER: THE FOLLOWING IS BASED OFF OF A TRUE STORY. ONLY THE NAMES OF PEOPLE, LOCATIONS AND ACTUAL EVENTS HAVE BEEN CHANGED.

Chapter 0": Why not start with One?

Who could hate a little British kid? The Dursleys could. Maybe that's why Lil' Harry Potter turned out this way.The aforementioned boy was sitting on the couch when he suddenly got bored and decided to hunt down Lord Moldyshorts, seeing as he had already taken over half the world. Harry was just too lazy to get up.

'Maybe today,' he thought. 'Nah, tomorrow', he thought and went back to sleep.

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Herheinie Granger stood waiting by the phone. She had done so for the past 6 months. Herself, Harry, and Ron had not enrolled in pigpimples that year so that they could pursue Lord Moldyshorts.She was giving up her education! and for what?

Harry had just rented an apartment with his new credit card (now that he had come of age, he did a lot of "of Agey" things, such as drinking, getting a credit card, driving, drinking and driving, etc.) and lived off of order-in pizza, and often the delivery boy did not come back out.

Not that it mattered much anyway, ever since Lord Moldyshorts had taken over half the world Pigpimples had been converted into a glue factory.

RING!RING! The phone had snapped her out of her thoughts. Her eyes darted over to caller ID. It read: Harry Potter". The long-awaited phone call! Could this really be it? She tried to regain her composure. Her hand shook as she pulled the phone up to her ear, "hello?"

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Harry, now sitting in the dark, shouted, "YOU THINK CUTTING OFF MY ELECTRICITY WILL STOP ME?!? NEVER!!"

RING, RING! He answered the phone, "What? Whadda mean you're cutting off my phone?! WHAT? MY credit card is expired?! YOUR credit card is expired!!!" His phone was then disconnected.

He pulled out his cell phone and made some quick calls before his cell phone was also disconnected. First, he called for a pizza, even if he couldn't pay for it with his credit card (not that he ever called for the pizza anyways, thats not what he wanted), then he called herheinie.

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"Hello?" asked Herheinie after answering the phone. "Ready?" "..." She took a deep breath. "ARE YOU READY!? THAT"S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY AFTER- "

2 Hours Later

"Yeah, well, anyway, could you help me off the couch? I seem to have lost some muscle mass in my legs." Asked Harry while Herheinie was panting for air.

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Well that was my first chapter. Let me know what you think. Even if you flame, my house is fireproof! Except for the walls and roof.

Chapter 2 will be MUCH longer. If I get reviews. I'm planning to turn this into a gigantic epic story, and eventually a movie!!!!

The very last chapter, the very last line, will reveal an AMAZING secret.

Peace out.


	2. Chap 2: The beggining

Quick note, yeah, Hermione, in my story, is Herheinie. It isn't a typo. And yes, Hienie as in butt. or ass. whichever you prefer.

Yeah, Ron will show up as a major story piece.

And Now, I present...

Chapter 2 The Beginning...Why must it be like this?

'Finally, It's starting.' Herheinie thought excitedly as she raised her arm to knock on Harry's door, when she suddenly heard someone screaming in pain." OMG!!! What da F!#$ are YOU?! AHHH!! OH NO! OH GOD! PLEASE!! I have 3 kids and a TOILET!! A TOILET!! OH GOD-!!"

Startled, she looked down and saw a delivery boy's pizza hat.

[See -- http://i225 .photobucket. com/albums/ dd48/ EseGasca/pizza. jpg -- for the image (eliminate spaces)

She retracted her gloved fist (It was winter, jacket and all) and said to no one in particular, "Maybe I should come back later..." as she slowly backed away.

"Reducto!" Harry's door was blasted to pieces.

Herheinie let out a squeak and threw her arms up to protect herself. "Not much time! We have to go." Harry appeared at the doorway wearing a black coat with black jeans and converse.

Harry walked by her, grabbing her wrist at such a fast walk, Herheinie had to do a small jog to keep up.

He marched ahead, grinning. "H-Harry! Y-you're hair!" she gasped, trying to catch her breath . She had inevitably noticed the change in his "do", or, in muggle terms, his hairstyle. He looked back at the girl he was still dragging by the wrist, "You mean my 'fro?"

(Don't worry, it gets better)

She nodded in reply, too out of breath to speak. "Awesome, huh?" "Harry! I can't go anymore!" Herheinie said hastily, running out of breath.

"It doesn't matter; we're here anyway. Wait for me here." Harry disappeared into a nearby building, and, once Herheinie caught her breath, realized it was a car dealership.

"Wha-?"Seconds later Harry drove away from the dealership lot towards Herheine. He pulled up in a mustang convertible. "Hop in, Quick!" "Harry!" She said, climbing in the passenger seat, "Where did you get the money for this?" She asked in wonder.

"I didn't" he grinned and shot off before Herheinie even closed her door. "HEY! GET BACK HERE!!!" A fat man in a business suit ran out of the dealership and after the car.

"GET BACK HERE AND PAY FOR IT!!!!" Thinking quickly, the large man looked around. He spotted a small child on a tricycle and kicked him over. "ARGH! MY TRICYCLE!" The fat man screamed and got on the tricycle that was only as tall as his shin.

"Shit! He's got wheels!'' Harry shouted to Herheinie as he looked back at the fat man. "Shit! He's catching up!"

"What? That's not possible!" Said Herheinie in disbelievement. She looked back and said, "See? You can't even see hi-" Harry turned her head around. Her eyes widened as she saw the fat car dealer right next to her. "But we're going eighty miles an hour!"

"Well so is he!" Harry retorted.

"ARGH" The fat man screamed in anger "NO!" Harry screamed as the dealer pushed his tricycle into the convertible, grinding their car into the guardrail, sending sparks into the air.

"He's overpowering us!" shouted Harry as their car was being pushed relentlessly into the guardrail under the trike that repeatedly pushed against them. "NONE of this makes any sense!" Herheinie freaked out. She pulled out her wand and shot a jet of light at the tricycle to no effect.

"Harry! My wand's not-" "Great idea!" Harry grabbed her wand and threw it into the tricycle's spokes. "NOOO! MY TRICYCLE OF DOOM!!! NOOO!!!" The fat man shouted as his trike veered off into a fire hydrant and burst into flames. The hydrant exploded and sent gallons of water into the air. It fell back into the fire and increased it.

"No! My wand!" Herheinie cried as they drove away from the scene. "Here, you can have this one!" Harry said, producing a black wand. "Harry... where did you get this?" Herheinie asked suspiciously. "Oh... I don't know..."

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'This is it, Albus." Severus Snape said, with Draco cowering in fear behind him. "Not so, you'll have to duel me first!" Dumbledore said, reaching for his wand. "...What the? Now where'd it go?... oh, fidelsticks" he said as he was hit by a green blaze emitted from Snape's wand.

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"Hmmm..." She hummed, eying the wand. "Oh shizzle..." (A/N yeah he did just say shizzle) "Harry... what's wrong?" Herheinie asked. "Bee!" At 80 m/ph they were heading for certain impact with this deadly creature. "If we hit that, we're screwed!" Harry shouted. Thinking quickly, he swerved the car to the left, crashing through the guardrail over a cliff to a long drop.

[for pic: -- http:// i225. albums/dd48/ EseGasca/ OMG .jpg --- but remove spaces after putting in address bar

"OMG!" shrieked Herheinie "That was close" sighed Harry. "What the hell, Harry! 'If we hit that, we're screwed!' what the hell!" she mocked his previous statement as their car flew through the air. "It could be worse" said Harry. "Oh, nevermind! Now! Cushioning Char-"

BBBBBOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

The resounding impact of the explosion of their car hitting the canyon floor wretched Harry and Herheinie out of their seats .

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Cliffhanger!

That's it for this chapter. You're in Author's Notes now. If you bothered to read this far, let me explain this picture feature I set up. is a bitch, cause You can't put URLs in your stories. thats why I have URLs to pics I draw for this story that are spaced out. Here's an example with something else I drew and put on photobucket:

http:// i225.photobucket. com/albums/ dd48/EseGasca/ sc0011a848 .jpg

by spacing parts of the URL this website won't be able to tell it's a URL. So all you, the reader has to do, is copy the URL into your address bar and delete the spaces out of it. If on the story I tried to post a full URL it would be this:

http://i225.

I put a whole URL but only part of it showed.

so in parenthesis in my story where it says you can view a pic, the URL is everything between the -- marks, exluding the -- marks. just aking it as clear as possible.

Now for Author's Notes relative to the story:

Yeah Herheinie does now have Dumbledore's wand. If you read Harry Potter: Deathly Hallows you know what this means.  
every little thing has huge signifigance in future storyline. Even the bee. I didn't write one worthless thing.

By the way, this is only part of my original chapter 2. about 1/4 of it. I decided to space it out.

And yes, A lot more characters will be showing up.

PLEASE review. Free money for people who review. Do you take visa?


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